Answers to Questions (from Aunt RM)

Aunt RM,

I'm glad you enjoyed what I had to share. Yeah, I'm sorry about the jargon, but as I had mentioned it was a letter originally written to report back to my home unit back in Virginia. Honestly, I thought it was a good idea to share with everyone (give a sneak peak) how we share words on-the-job. Even after watering it down some, I realize that it that it sill was a little to specialized. None-the-less, I'm glad I have been able to share it with all of you. :0)

Let's see, to answer your questions. I am able to take pictures of somethings, but rather cautiously; other things not quite so. It all depends on who or what is involved. If the contents of a picture can pose a potential security risk to our personnel and our operations, then I wouldn't even dare take a picture. Don't get me wrong, I am taking pictures of various things and I'm looking forward to sharing them in the future.

The climate and elevation here in Afghanistan is very similar to that of Denver, Colorado. The high elevation here has taken a toll on me - that couple with a very fine dust in the air that mimics a very bad pollution day in LA - and so I find myself struggling to breath at times (though, two and a half weeks in country, I'm finding myself acclimating).

The food is palatable, and even good at times. We are on a US compound, that has contracted out to a company from back in the States that provides all our meals. We have four meal services each day: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and mid-night chow. There's always a variety of food to eat. Traditional military chow hall style, you'll always have a choice of two food style lines: main and fast. Main line always provides main-course entrees; fast (I'm sure you've guessed), always has a selection of fast-foods. Main entrees range from lasagne, fish, pork chops, to grilled steaks on Sundays (sides always included). Fast foods range from burgers, chicken tenders, to mini pizzas. Yesterday, we even had tamales - surprisingly, they were delicious (not chile, though). Also, there's always a salad bar, fruits, desserts, and an abundance of drinks.

As for consuming thoughts, hmm? I don't like not being able to perform greater than 'par', therefore I find that I'm always digging into things. I find that I spend a good deal of time considering my overall comprehension of the job and my overall role in our mission. Aside from that, when I'm not sleeping, I spend whatever free moments in daily devotion, reading books on spiritual maturation, and even studying for next years promotion tests.

Well, I hope you enjoy these few lines. Answering your questions has motivated me to start using my blog site again! As I get questions and even journal my activities here, I will make posts for the whole family to enjoy. Aunt RM, thank you for your support and thank you for the prayers - they mean a lot to me!

God bless!
Michael.

A Grief Observed

I took some time out during my shift to finally read C.S. Lewis' 'A Grief Observed' - it was a good read! I originally read it to see how I could understand ones grief after the lost of a wife, especially how a staunch Christian man like Lewis coped with (and managed to document) his grief. I had hope to gain insight or a perspective on grieving and the role ones faith in God plays throughout. Though it had little to do with actual grieving and more on Christian living, in the fourth chapter C.S. Lewis made a statement that profoundly spoke to my heart. He stated: "Imagesof the Holy easily become holy images - sacrosanct. My Idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself. He is the great Iconoclast." The statement just spoke volumes on faith in GOD alone! How often when take images and thoughts on God and make them sacred, in and of themselves. How easily we can ensare ourselves into trusting and believing in some icon and not God (and his Word) directly. How easily we can pervert our own faith but not remaining ground upon God alone... I'm still trying to digest/synthesis this statement and its convicting and limitless reach.

A Response to Aunt NPs Letter

Wow! I am speechless, yet, truly blessed with your letter - thank you Auntie Nyomium (and Eddie, too)! The privilege is mine and I am very proud to hail from a family such as ours. We are not perfect, nor are we desolate - we are rich in family and abundant in the grace of God. All that I am, is because of Him: it is His work affected directly into my life and from and through you, to me. What I have I give compassionately.

The Apostle Paul wrote in his second epistle to the Corinthians (1:3-4): "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." This is my motivation - this accounts for my behavior.

Family, don't be anxious and distressed about the time God has ordained for me in Afghanistan. It wasn't until last week this information was made known and, without a doubt, a reason that only God knows. I can say for certain it is His will and I'm not asking to change it either. I want to be a man that follows through with God's perfect will and not his permissible will. Consider Lot and all his folly because he was reluctant to heed God's will (chiefly, Gen 19). It was only through God's permissible will that Lot, in his reluctance, was saved. Had the Apostle Peter not wrote it, we never would have known that Lot was a righteous man (2 Pet 2:7). But had Lot followed through with God's perfect will, I don't believe that he would have endured such a depraved life and, perhaps, God would have had more to say about the man.

With this deployment, I take comfort in two things: 1.) God continues to re-iterate His words to me, "I have a work for you"; and, 2.) Psalm 91 (please read and pray it). Whether you believe it or not, all this is of God's doing and I accept it. Let not one of us be troubled. Remember: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7.

As always, thank you (everyone) for your continued support through prayer. You - all of you - are my blessing!

In Jesus' love,

Michael

Independence Day Celebration

I hope that everyone had a great Independence Day celebration.  I had found out a couple weeks back that from my balcony I should have an excellent view of the fireworks show, from out of Fort Monroe (Ft. Monroe is directly across the water from me).  Not only was there an excellent view of the of the Ft. Monroe show, but also very visible were the displays at Virginia Beach and Norfolk!  HOWEVER, the awesome firework shows were greatly amplified in grandeur as they were illuminated by the relentless lightening storms just south of the Hampton Roads area. (click images to enlarge)

  

The 360 Degree Leader

Currently going through John C. Maxwell's "The 360 Degree Leader."  - my favorite quote:

 "One of the nice things about being 

imperfect is the joy that it brings to others!"

Quote of the Day

Currently reading "Confessions of a Good Christian Guy: The Secrets Men keep and the Grace that Saves Them" by Tom Davis and Tammy Maltby - I'm a quarter of the way through and it has proven to be a great read, so far.  In the current chapter they share a quote from Ravi Zacharias (another of my favorite theologians), of which I, now, share with you:

     "An essential principle in a philosophy of pleasure arise here: all pleasure must be bought at a price.  The difference between illegitimate and legitimate pleasure is this: For legitimate pleasure, the price is paid before it is enjoyed.  For illegitimate pleasure, the price is paid after it is enjoyed.  Turning aside from instant gratification is one of the most difficult things to do.  But this is where the battle is often won or lost.

     The strength of our will-and this is crucial-surrendered either to God or ourselves-reveals the character we possess, and the strength of our will determines when the price is paid.  It is the submission of our will to God that protects us from illicit pleasure, so that we may fully enjoy those which are legitimate.  When that distinction is made and honored, life becomes a delight."

Sorry, did not intend to mislead anyone.

DISCLAIMER: The song “Down in a Hole” was intentionally taken from its original context and applied to a spiritual life of struggle - a practice commonly frowned upon. Under no circumstance would I ever use this as a technique to witness to unbelievers or teach doctrine. However, this Blog entry (as with many of my others) was written to share the thought process of my mind; my objective approach to things of this life filtered through scripture; scrutinizing each and every influence. Additionally, this particular piece does not reflect a complete exposition of thought on the matter.

A couple of weeks ago I changed up my Myspace profile and added the song “Down in a Hole,” by Alice in Chains (heretofore, AIC). To clear the air, I did not intend to have the music reflect an internal or an emotional status. My song and word choice were motivated out of philosophical and theological scrutiny; hence my profile headline change: “It's funny how a bit of 'nostalgia' can be enjoyable, but if not kept-in-check, unpleasant.” Admittedly, (in my ignorance) I understand how someone might issue a concern-of-welfare based on my song and word choice. Believe you, me, I am doing well.

Perhaps, to further provide insight into my thought (of that particular moment in time), I should elaborate. I don’t recall why, or how, I stumbled upon AIC’s music that day. Honestly, I haven’t listened AIC in quite sometime; however, I do know when I recall memories from any given period of my life, my mind floods with the music with which I was associated. AIC reflects a period that spans from my sophomore year of high school, until about the time I enlisted in the Air Force (1996). The song, “Down in a Hole,” specifically, reminds me of my first year after high school. Like many at that time of their lives, I was on top of the world. High School was over; my plans to develop my career had just begun and, well, I thought everything was great! Of course, none of this is why I’m writing right now – I digress!

Back to “Down in a Hole.” Over the years, there was much speculation about the true meaning behind this particular song. The skinny: Jerry Cantrell, guitarist for AIC, penned the song as a lament over a self-inflicted torment for his unfeigned love for Courtney Clarke, the then love of his life. Popularly, however, many thought that front-man, Layne Staley, wrote this song about a struggle with drug addiction – one that would later claim his life.

On the particular day I chose to add this song to my profile, I had spent quite some time dissecting the lyrics. I’m prone to do that nowadays, juxtaposed to my youth, when I was mostly concerned with the sound-style of a band. As I examined the lyrics, I was totally enamored at how artistically the lyrics where poised against the music; a beautiful composition. Despite the ingenuity, the lyrics are disturbingly profound. Read for yourself:

Bury Me Softly In This Womb
I Give This Part Of Me For You
Sand Rains Down And Here I Sit
Holding Rare FlowersIn A Tomb.....
In Bloom

Down In A Hole And I Don't Know
If I Can Be Saved
See My Heart
I Decorate ItLike A Grave
You Don't Understand
Who TheyThought I Was
Supposed To Be
Look At Me Now
A ManWho Won't Let Himself Be

Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul
Down In A Hole, Losin' Control
I'd Like To Fly
But My Wings Have Been So Denied

Down In A Hole And They've Put All
The Stones In Their Place
I've Eaten The Sun So My Tongue
Has Been Burned Of The Taste
I Have Been GuiltyOf Kicking Myself In The Teeth
I Will Speak No More
Of My Feelings Beneath

Oh I Want To Be Inside Of You
Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul
Down In A Hole, Feelin' So Small
Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul
Down In A Hole, Out Of Control

I'd Like To Fly
But My Wings Have Been So Denied

As I researched a few things on-line, I ran across a website where one fan commented as such:

“In my opinion, this is a song about a man so saddled by depression, he can't think of anywhere to go, anyone to talk to or anything to save himself. “See my heart, I decorate it like a grave." - He can't even express his anger or sadness, his only emotion is that of loss and sadness. "You don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be." - He never imagined himself being in this state, where he questions very existence. "Down in a hole, feeling so small..." Depression can make someone feel so worthless to the point of non-existence. "Down in a hole, losing my soul..." - Depression has removed everything from his humanity, from his inability to express himself, to his all-encompassing feeling of helplessness. “I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied..." - He can remember when life was so promising, with unlimited potential...but he's been dragged down by depression. "I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth..." - the depression has gripped him so tightly that he's mentally torn himself apart, second guessing everything he does, everything he thinks, everything he feels. "I will speak no more of my feelings beneath..." - again, with the feeling that even expressing his sadness is useless.” - Vincent, Braintree, MA

From a temporal perspective on life, I agree with most of his conclusions. Theologically, the question looms: how many of us feel that way about our faith, the doctrines we treasure, and the lives we live? Intentionally taking the song from its original context and applying it to ones spiritual life (a practice some frown upon), I don’t know of any songs from that era that could have better captured our anguish. I am speaking in generalizations, so please don’t assume I am making a declaration of experience for all; that is hardly the case. Arguably, most converts will endure a period of their new lives just as the song “Down in a Hole” personifies. At the point of vocalization, a convert usually feels a temporary exhilaration and a relief of all burdens. Why shouldn’t they, as they’ve entered into a new life? But, are they not still embedded in the same routines, affiliations, and creature comforts? Logically, if left alone and unguided that convert will soon find a mind filled with the same, if not similar, laments and agony stated in AICs “Down in a Hole.”

“I Give This Part Of Me For You…”
How many times do we think, ‘Lord, not wholly yours, just a part – I still want my own life.’

“Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul…
Down In A Hole, Losin' Control…
Down In A Hole And I Don't Know If I Can Be Saved…”
Often in our helplessness and limited understanding of forgiveness and God’s omnipotence, we pigeon-hole ourselves to the point where we cannot achieve a sufficient amount of penitence… to the point where we void out our salvation – as if either of those are within our ability.

“See My Heart, I Decorate it like a Grave…”
You know if someone would have taught me from the beginning the depravity, sickness and deceit of the heart… so few less would have been my anguish.

“You Don't Understand Who They Thought I Was Supposed To Be…”
Ah, legacy. How many get caught up on believing that they must carry on a family tradition and re-enforce a legacy for generations to come (that we have to be a preacher like Dad and Grand-dad)? How many believe that we need to be a Greg Laurie, Billy Graham, like the apostles, prophets, and priests? How many believe to not be, means ‘failure’?

“I'd Like To Fly But My Wings Have Been So Denied…”
I believe the comment by AIC fan, Vincent, said it best: “He can remember when life was so promising, with unlimited potential...but he's been dragged down by depression.”

“Down In A Hole And They've Put All The Stones In Their Place…”
WHEN YOU’RE DOWN, YOU’RE DOWN and everyone (in your mind, that is) is ready to cast the stones.

“Oh I Want To Be Inside Of You
I'd Like To Fly
But My Wings Have Been So Denied”
The turmoil within our own hearts, again, we know of the unlimited potential found in a spiritual rebirth. We know what glory lies ahead and how, if only, we could bask in that glory of the Lord.

Empirically, through personal and shared testimony, mature Christians understand my prior use of the terms ‘vocalization’ and ‘temporary.’ We understand that true conversion does not [necessarily] coincide at the moment of vocalization, but rather at the time of spiritual alteration. With the following verses, I believe the dynamic translation out of the NLT reads best for comprehension and draws the following illustration of conversion as such:

“For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.” (Romans 2:28-29)

TO BE CONTINUED…