Until Today

Today, I had taken advantage of my remaining free-time here and chose a leisurely stroll through Shimoda Mall. It’s your typical mall: a food court, a Cineplex theater, stores that cater to the lavish needs of every woman and all items grotesquely over priced. Personally, I had never gone there for clothes shopping, let alone meandering. Shortly after my arrival here three-years ago, I found that I am much larger than your average-sized Japanese-male and unable to find suitable sizes. Typically, my intent is to search out novelty gifts, grab a bite to eat, or even catch a flick. Literally, there are few items at the Shimoda Mall that ever captivate my attention – today that changed,

While at Jusco Supermarket, I picked up a couple bags of hard candy and proceeded towards the check-stand to make my purchase. There was an elderly lady in front of me, whom of which just handed the cashier a sum of Yen to pay for her groceries. The cashier collected the offered amount and prepared to hand-back the change due to the elderly woman. In the course of my observation of the exchange, the elderly woman did not acknowledge the cashier’s hand of return. It was at that moment I took notice of her surprisingly flushed face, as she gripped her shopping cart to maintain balance; the cashier and I stood perplexed, yet consumed with the moment.

What seemed like several minutes, had only been but a few seconds before I had moved about to assist this unknown lady. As I had moved to position myself beside her, she collapsed backwards into my arms. Though I had been in disbelief, I acted instinctively and managed to shift her body weight from my arms onto my left thigh. Walking her back, I progressed to lie her down gently onto the ground. As I knelt at her head, she lied on the cool tiled floor. Her face flushed of all color, void of expressed emotion; she had fixed her eyes directly upon the ceiling. I cannot recall making the decision, but realized that, while embracing her neck in one hand, I had removed her shoulder-slung purse from beneath her back and grasped her right wrist to check for a pulse; it was faint. Again, in what had seemed like minutes, but only a few seconds, she regained consciousness, her natural facial color and what appeared to be an overwhelming sense of disorientation.

What must have went through her mind? I can only speculate. It had been painfully obvious that she had no clue.

What had happened?

Why was she lying on the ground?

Why was there a gaijin (a foreigner) embracing her wrist?

She had attempted to remove herself from the ground twice, but was prevented so by one of the Jusco employees. It was at that moment, I had regained my own “peripheral-consciousness.”

From where have all these people arrived?

Lord, help me help her!

I had felt so useless. I had been incapable of simple communication: Are you okay? Can you hear me? I’m here to help you. I found that I had become overwhelmed with shame.

Eventually, I had departed the scene, trusting the woman’s care into the hands of the proper authorities. I don’t know what had become of her and this ill-fated event. I don’t believe I will ever know. Mystified, I had aimlessly wandered the length of the mall. I was annoyed with myself, confused in my own thoughts and irritated by the thundering sound of the Beatles song “All you need is love” bellowing from a nearby store.

I’ve spent the last three years here at Misawa AB, Japan, without resolve to learn the Japanese language. Until today, of course, I had no regret.